The Prominent Antidote (Agape')

When did we lose our sense of caring, was it ever really there?
Often people in need hope it exists, but we’re usually unaware
Faith and hope quickly turn to despair, unless you intervene
Sources of adequate assistance tend to ignore the obscene

Hardship doesn’t exist to those who never experience it
So help who? Because of ignorance, they never consider it
Love is the answer to cure all problems many people would say
And truthfulness does indeed define those things that are cliched

So this word love, has to broken down for us to understand its depths
There is so much more to love, than emotion, ideas, or helpful concepts
For how can one have this thing called love equally, in so many areas?
It renders almost useless, when it’s used to describe everything we cherish

Can I have the same feeling for a certain type of music that’s appealing?
And for the living God that I plead in prayer to, when I am kneeling?
Is it possible for me to feel the same way about my favorite type of food?
That I feel about the most important people in my life? No, this is misconstrued

All of these things I say “I love,” but it is a lack of vocabulary to express the difference
We’ve given ownership of this expression to one word, granting it volume in appearance
True love is only found in the things that we put above ourselves, and then sacrifice for
This is the type of love designed for me to offer a wife, in excessive, tremendous outpour

To find something that you would take care of and protect, even before yourself
Is to realize life is worth living, worthy of that which is always new to you, fresh off the shelf
This is true love, and examples of it stay in our minds, they are never lost in the past
In putting others before ourselves, true love will be the only thing that will forever last

This is what drives those few people in history, to devote themselves to the less fortunate
Equal sacrifice, not equal giving, makes the differences in the world more proportionate
When, or shall I say if, you actually find this true love, allow it to consume your being
Because life without this love is like surrounding yourself with beauty, and not seeing

Got it made.

Sundays for me are usually pretty event less here. It's our only day off and all the guys try to make the most of it, 4 hour naps, watching movies, etc. I can't really sleep in the daytime so Sundays go by so slow for me. This morning I got up, showered, had my coffee and a mandazee and went back to the tukul. I started reading in Hebrews and read through James. Reading in James reminds me of when I first started actually studying the bible. James was one of the first books that I actually "studied." Hebrews is one of my favorite books though. I've read it many times and each time I usually get something different from it. So after reading the entire book, I came away with one thing. Go to Christ when I have issues. I know that's not that deep, but that stuck with me threw the entire book. I did get some other themes that were in my mind briefly, but mostly, go to Christ when I have issues. I picked that up in Chapter 4 verses 14-16.

14Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. 16Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

I always knew to go to God with my problems or when I stumble, but this passage is significant to me where I am right now. I've been in Sudan for six months or so now, and I've had the time of my life. I've met amazing people, heard amazing stories, and seen amazing things. All along I have known that God is with me, that's never been a question in my mind. I've made decisions that probably weren't the wisest, simply because I had put aside the fact that Christ has experienced life on earth. I had an image in my mind that God would guide me, and he's all knowing, but that some decisions I could make on my own because of the situation I was in. But Christ came to save and redeem us and he did that. But in doing that, he lived a life surrounded by sin. So, as it says in verse 16 we should approach him with confidence, because he's been there. Anything you are struggling with, not only can he help you through it but he's experienced it. That should be so comforting to us. I'm not perfect and never will be, but I can't ever say to God, "you don't understand what I'm going through." Because he does. So for someone all knowing and full of grace who's been there and done that, I need to consult him in decision making more often.
I've enjoyed every minute of being here so far, but it will be nice to get a break next week. I'll fly to Nairobi Kenya on Tuesday and spend a few days there before flying to the U.S. on Friday night. I'm looking forward to coming home for a visit and getting a break. But I will miss certain things here. Parts of the culture and experiences in Sudan have started to become a part of me. Waving at smiling children that I pass on the road is part of my life now, that's not offered in the States. Hearing amazing testimonies of faith are everywhere, but the one's here are special to me. I can't relate to them, but I'm living in the country where they took place. Hardships are different in extremes worldwide. I can't imagine what it would be like to live the way everyone in South Sudan did for nearly 21 years. Some starved to death. Some died of malaria. Some were killed by soldiers. Some died from child birth. Some were random accidents while living on the run. The list could go on and on. I can't relate to their situations or even the evil that was spilled out in this country during the conflicts. But Christ can. He's stared that evil in the face and defeated it for us. He was tempted for forty days and forty nights in ways I could never imagine. The Son of man had to endure temptations I'll never know and it's sad from our point of view. But from God's point of view it's perfect. His grace is never ending, He can and does sympathize with our weakness in temptation. He didn't give in as we always do, and that must have been hard as hell. I'm grateful for his strength, and for working out a miracle that his strength would cover my weaknesses. We've got it made from every angle of this thing, but most of us don't even see it.

LRA Displacement

Back in July I was assessing churches in Lainya for the Church Reconstruction Project. As I was driving into the bush to meet with a congregation in Nyangele, the Assistant Bishop of Lainya informed me that we were meeting the congregation but that it would not be in Nyangele. They had been displaced by the LRA and had fled to Lokirarat which is about ten miles from Nyangele. After that assessment, I knew the people would need to return home soon, or they would start to burden Lokirarat’s food and water supply. I left it at that, and continued with my assessments.
A few weeks back I was assessing another congregation close to Lokirarat. I met the Chief of Lokirarat, Joseph Kwaja, and he informed me that the group of displaced people were still in his area. They had now moved to Lokoruba, which is about twelve miles from Nyangele. He informed me that their situation was not good at all. Upon arriving back in Yei I informed the Program Manager and we immediately went to UNHCR to report the group’s situation and their needs. I felt it necessary to follow up with the people personally. After discussing the displaced people with others at Samaritans Purse, we decided it best to go in and do an assessment of the village.

On October 2nd, we left the compound in Yei and headed to Lokoruba. After about a two hour drive we arrived in Lokoruba. The village was down a walking path, so we parked our truck and began walking. Upon reaching the village we saw many make-shift houses. There were crops planted which made us happy to see. As we explained to the leader of the village what our purpose for coming was, he quickly rounded up all the necessary people to talk with. They began to tell us their story.

Gideon and Lemeri Nelson are brothers and were there the day the LRA came in. They were kidnapped, but later released. Gideon explained that as they were resting from working in their garden, they saw the men making their way into the village. There were around 36 members of the LRA who began to get people together, and steal all of the village’s supplies. They left with around 42 people, and everything the village had to survive on. Gideon told us that the LRA made them carry everything that was stolen all the way to Mundri, which is about 100 miles from Nyangele. Once in Mundri the LRA released 38 people and kept 4 children. The 4 that were kept were 2 boys and 2 girls, all around age 12. Those children haven’t been seen since that day the other 38 left from Mundri.

Once the LRA left the village, the remaining people all fled to Lokirarat. They stayed there 2 months, before going to Lokoruba. The people have suffered from many sicknesses and diseases since arriving in Lokoruba, ranging from diarrhea to malaria. “We stay hungry because of the diarrhea,” one man told us. There is no proper health care in Lainya, so the people aren’t receiving any treatment for their health problems. Food has been another struggle. They were given a small amount of food back in July from the Catholic Church in Yei, but haven’t received anything since. The men in the community have started hiring themselves out as casual laborers and buying food in the market with the money they make.
They get one meal a day usually consisting of beans, posha, and greens. They have planted ground nuts, okra, field peas, and potatoes. Another NGO, Malteser, provided them with a hoe and a pick ax to use for cultivating.

The community is lacking basic living necessities though. They do not have proper latrines. They are using areas just outside their living space which is very dangerous. They are also not burying dead animals which can cause sickness and disease. There is not a boar hole close enough to them to get clean drinking water from. They have been drinking river water that is not boiled, which is causing a lot of their sickness. They have make-shift houses, with no protection from mosquitoes at night. There aren’t even any mosquito nets to sleep under in the village. They informed us that just last week two people died from malaria. The two people were a married couple and also the parents of the children the LRA did not release back in June. There are a total of 173 people who are displaced. There are about 100 adults, and the rest are children.
Since fleeing Nyangele in June, 15 people have died from various causes, a few even from starvation. The village is in serious need. We hope to be able to partner with them to provide some sort of medical attention. Many of the children have scabies and other easily curable illnesses. We checked around thirty children for malnutrition, and three of them showed strong signs of extreme malnutrition. The LRA is a very evil group of people who has displaced this entire community, along with many others. The people of Nyangele do not deserve what has happened to them. They do deserve God’s love and provision just as everyone else does. I hope we can see what God would have us as an organization do for the people of Nyangele.

Just this week I went to Nyangele to take photos of where the people used to live. It was a very eerie experience. As we pulled up, after about a two and a half hour ride into the bush, everything was abandoned and has grown up. There were still chairs and a table in one tukul with peanut hulls on the table. My translator and I walked around taking photos and just looking in on their church, clinic, market, and all the homes. I can't understand how a group of people can be so evil. The LRA needs to be stopped. A country that's just come out of 21 years of civil war, is still suffering at the hands of this evil group and their even more evil leader. I, as an American, can't even fathom what these people have gone through. Please pray for the people from Nyangele. It's just the name of a village half way around the world to most who will read this, but I've shook their hands. I have spent time with them, talked to the people, held the babies, and played with the children. God hasn't forgotten about them, and neither can I.

Highs and Lows.

The past few weeks since I returned from Zanzibar have been, how should I say, eventful. Upon returning back, I slipped right back into work, going out and researching different areas. I ran across a group of refugees again, and heard that there situation has gotten worse since I saw them last. They are now having problems with food, and have lost 6 people in the last 3 weeks to starvation. I reported them to the UN to try and get some food in for them, and I'm going to check on them again this week. I plan to take a nurse with me to evaluate them, and see just how malnourished they are. Not far from that village, we heard reports that an NGO's vehicle ran over an anti-tank land mine. I was heading in that direction the next day and saw it. The anti-tank mine was planted in front of a school, sometime during the war. The vehicle that ran over it belonged to an organization that helps with education in Sudan. The driver and his passenger were leaving the school when they detonated it. Only the passenger survived. It was a bit eerie to stand in front of what I couldn't even recognize, was a truck. I could see blood on the seats, and there was a huge whole in the ground from where the mine exploded. It was quite the reminder to stay on the roads. There are mines all over that haven't been discovered yet. We have a few different organizations that devote their days to searching, finding, and removing land mines.
A similar discovery was made a while back at a site where Samaritan's Purse was planning to build a basketball court. Three RPG's (rocket propelled grenades) were discovered, undetonated in a tree right beside the primary school here in Yei. They were removed right before the basketball court was dedicated this past Saturday, which brings me to my high for this week, among all these lows.
Joe Wilson, who left for good on Sunday had come up with the idea to build a court for the kids here in Yei. Luckily he got it finished in time to dedicate it on Saturday, and be able to play basketball with the kids before he left. It was a great way to end an otherwise rough week. We had a blast. It's pretty awesome to have about thirty kids between 4 and 14 chasing you around the court trying to steal the ball from you. We were out there literally all day with those kids, it was a great way to just enjoy being in Sudan with nothing to worry about for a few hours. I don't have anything intellectual to add to this. I haven't connected the dots of why the things I've experienced these past couple weeks were significant. But despite the lows I had, I still know that I'm "home" here. Let's see what this week has in store.

Let it rain, let it rain.

So it's the rainy season here, which is an understatement. For the deep south of Sudan, it doesn't just mean water falling from the sky. Rain makes everything so pretty and green but it also causes problems along the way. For one the roads become somewhat like driving on. . . . . .I don't know. . . . . . Vaseline? Especially on a quad (sorry a four wheeler, I'm still southern) the word "steering" doesn't exist. It's more like you are just moving in a direction and you hope you continue that way. The rain can also create a bit of a problem for my work, doing research, in that no one will show up to the appointments if it's raining. Since virtually no one owns a car here, and for some reason everyone is terrified of rain, when it does rain life seems to stop in Sudan. This is just one of many things that have become part of my everyday life, and I guess in a way, part of who I am.
This week has involved a lot of traveling back and forth for me, but I can't complain. Riding around in the bush here on a four wheeler is like every guy's dream come true. Back in the day we used to look for cool and adventurous places to take our four wheelers, especially where there's lots of mud, and now everyday on the road is one of those places I used to dream of. I'm learning to find huge appreciations in small things. For me, it's made my life simple and I love that about me right now. I've seen some bad things and heard some even worse stories, but there are those times when something small happens and you hear that voice in your soul say, "This is what it's all about."
Let me give you a couple examples. Just the other day I was driving back to Yei from an assessment in the bush and as always I was passing by many people walking, riding bicycles, motorbikes etc. You always see kids along the road, and they usually just stare in amazement and slowly lift their hand to wave. The sight of a white person on this strange looking thing that's not a motor bike, and it's not a car, baffles them. I always try to appreciate seeing the children here, because I know one day when/if I leave Sudan I will miss seeing their bright smiles. As I approached a group of children I noticed right away that they had stopped dead in their tracks along the muddy road to see just what the heck was coming at them. As I got closer I noticed one little boy, probably 8 or 9 years old laughing. He threw his hand up as if it might be the last time he got a chance to wave. As soon as I waved back he began jumping up and down and laughing like I had just made him the happiest he would ever be in his life. This entire galaxy could not contain his excitement. I don't think I've smiled that wide ever in my life. I wanted so badly to stop and just hang out with those kids for a while. The sight of me and that I had acknowledged him had made his entire day. But his reaction to me made my entire time here. For the next several kilometers of my drive, with Dave Matthews playing on my IPod, I was as content as a person could be. The road sucked and so did getting sun burned, but that little kid, who I'll probably never see again had an impact on me. I don't know his name, or even what village he's from, but his smiling face, and him jumping up and down, is permanently etched in my mind.
Example two happened today at one of my assessments. I was greeted warmly by roughly 80 people or so singing and dancing. The assessment went very well, and I felt great about the meeting. As it usually happens, we were presented with a soda, and a bottle of water. The village I was in is very deep in the bush, so I know the trip to get the soda and water was probably taken yesterday or the day before, just so me and my translator could have a soda. As we wrapped up the assessment I opened my water and began to drink it while I made small talk in broken Arabic with the pastor. As normal everyone in the congregation had their eyes locked on me, because I am so different looking basically. I noticed a small boy near the front that looked so freakin' cool. Like that kid is going to be the man when he gets older. He was probably around 5. I feel a bit shameful saying this, but up until now I've never done what I decided to do. I said to myself, ya know what, I'm gonna give that kid my soda. I had my translator call him up to me and he began to make his way up to the front where I was sitting. He seemed a bit nervous and hesitant, but as he reached my translator told him in Arabic what I wanted to give him. He lit up like a Christmas tree. As I opened the soda (Mirinda, which is my favorite drink in Africa) and handed it to him, he strutted back to his seat like he had just won a Grammy. I noticed him looking at all of the other kids with a look on his face as to say, "Yeah, check me out, the white man gave me a soda, you all know you're jealous." It was priceless, and yet another person God has used to show himself to me. I think God hides himself in the innocence of children hoping that we will see it. Usually we don't, we have too much going on and the children are always pushed to the side at a function like the one we had today. But on the road the other day, and under those enormous mango trees where that church meets, I caught a glimpse of God in those children.

Zanzibar the Door Katie!

............Ahhhh, Zanzibar. The most amazing place on earth. . . . . so far. Well my trip started out with an hour and a half flight from Nairobi, Kenya straight onto the Island. We (Matt and I) made our way to the hotel where we were staying in Stone Town and struck out to find FOOD! We ate at Mercury's the first night. Side note, Freddy Mercury the lead singer of queen was born in Zanzibar, so there's tons of Mercury's this and Mercury's that. We spent a couple days in stone town looking around in the market and checking out the local scene there. After that, we took a shared taxi up to Nungwi where we spent the rest of our trip. Nungwi is at the northern tip of the island. Our room, at Union Beach, was only feet from where the Indian Ocean washes up on shore. It was a perfect spot to do some relaxing. We met several different people (mainly Europeans) who were traveling and had come to Zanzibar. Many divers go there to dive in the Indian Ocean. The little bungalo we stayed in is partly owned and operated by Dumi. Dumi is one of the coolest guys I've ever met. Everyone in Zanzibar is so layed back, they realize they live in paradise. So each night Dumi and his crew would set up the dinner tables right on the beach and we would have grilled seafood that was usually caught the same day. I tore it up! Crab, lobster, red snapper, white snapper, dorado, and the best calamari you've ever had!
Tanzania is predominantly Muslim, and we happened to plan our little vacation right in the middle of Ramadan. We weren't affected by it that much though, being in the tourist section everything carries on as normal. Ramadan is a holiday celebrated every year, and it lasts for a month. The practicing Muslims fast all day up until 6:30 pm. No food or water, they can work their job, but can't have any leisure activities. So in some parts of the market you would have to respect the tradition and not eat or drink in public, but on the beach everything stays open and you are free to do what you want.
Before we went up to Nungwi we met Nancy, who joined us on our way up and tagged along with us for a few days before she headed back to the mainland. She was from the U.S. and was taking three months to travel through out Africa. Among many Europeans, we also met Ollie who was there to dive the Indian Ocean. He also climbed Mount Kilimanjaro which is a huge feat. While at Kilimanjaro he had an opportunity to volunteer at an orphanage and told us many stories about that.
Our last two days there, we met Latel who is from Israel. She was about our age and had come to Zanzibar for two weeks of vacation. We met her while on a snorkeling trip. There are many smaller Islands around the main island, and we were able to go snorkel on the reef of one of those Islands. It was my first time, but quite an experience. All the different colors of fish blew my mind. And then being able to swim in with a whole school of fish, and they just swim right along side of you like you belong in the pack. It was awesome. When we finished snorkeling, the guides took us to the beach where they had prepared lunch, fresh fish, fruits, and bread. I highly recommend you go snorkeling the next time you're off the coast of Tanzania. If things go as planned, I'll be going back in November. I know there's tons of places to see in Africa, but whatever, I'm going back. Not that much about Zanzibar is bad.
Speaking of which, the one thing that will drive you crazy is the hagglers! People come up to you on the beach, in restaurants, on the street, everywhere, asking you to buy this or look at this. It's usually hand made jewelry or wood carvings, the stuff that you normally buy when you visit a place like Zanzibar, but it gets annoying constantly having to tell people, "No, I don't want anything, I'm ok." Even when you're in the market it's the same, and you have to haggle on prices for everything! That's really the only thing that's bad about being there though. I mean every night you see a beautiful sunset, eat great food, and it's all really cheap.
For example, you can get an hour long professional massage for about $10. I did take advantage of that a few times. . . . . . ok everyday, and even two some days, it was amazing. I've never been somewhere that I could get up, have breakfast, walk on the beach, get a massage, take a nap, have lunch, go swimming, get another massage, freshen up, have dinner and then chill with Dumi for hours and just talk, all for around $60 a day including what it cost for the room each night. So yes, Zanzibar was ok. I'm not trying to make you all jealous or anything. . . . . . but you should be.

Jesus and jelly beans.

I'm really kind of tired of Sudanese food. You see, the Sudanese cook with an excessive amount of oil. It takes your body a long time to get used to it. But once you do you can bear it, but after a while, you begin to dread to eat! So I've finished ten weeks here, and it's been good. There are ups and downs about being here. Stressful situations as well as times when you just laugh your head off. But all in all, I've realized why you get an R&R every ten weeks. Being in a culture where things are so different really starts to weigh on you. There's only so much "adjusting" that can happen. You really can't get used to driving and walking in places where you know there's a possibility of stepping on a live land mine. Or even worse, seeing someone who's job is to find the active mines, and seeing that one has exploded in their face. Getting stopped in the middle of a dirt road and watching as they drag his body out and load him into a truck to rush him to the hospital is a bit nerve racking, no matter how long you've been here. Today was my last day of work and I fly out for two weeks tomorrow.
Oddly enough, I had my first run in with SPLA soldiers today. There's a long story behind the SPLA, but just imagine a military in an unsettled country, where all the soldiers are on a power trip, even when they are drunk at 10 am. Long story short, you try to avoid them as much as possible. So on my way to my last appointment for research I had five soldiers pointing guns at my face and yelling in Arabic. I mean they had every right to want to shoot me, I did run over a log in the road. I accidentally ran over a piece of wood that was set in the road as a check point stop, where I was waved through. But I guess you are supposed to be able to fit a Land Cruiser through a space about six inches wide without running over their very effective sticks. Either way, after they threatened to put me in jail, and take my (Samaritan's Purse's) truck with their AK47's in my face, they eventually said, "Ok, just go." Makes sense to me.
So at my last appointment I documented stories of more people that were brutalized by the opposing forces during the war. You know, it really sucks that you get used to hearing about people who watched their children raped and killed, or their spouses beaten to death right in front of them, or even those who were crippled by soldiers. Not for shock effect, but to listen to people talk about coming home from hiding in the bush and seeing dead bodies all along the road is common in my job now. But the crazy thing is that God was here the whole time. I don't know why he allowed it to be so bad, but his people never left his presence.
I had a three and a half hour drive back to Yei today and one of the leaders of the Pentecostal Church was with me. In conversation I asked him, "Moses, how can people tell me these stories of how all their children were murdered, or even seeing their wife raped and then killed, yet not show any emotion. I mean, how come they don't cry?" He replied, calling me by my Sudanese name, "Well Jeremiah, people here have become used to death. Seeing people who have been brutally killed was just a part of life. Once people initially morn and cry, they let go of that because they know there's more to come." How freaking sad is that? Our conversation went in many different directions but I later came back to the topic and asked. "How can I be beneficial to people personally when I can't come close to relating to what they've experienced?" His response blew me away, and made me realize one of the many ways that God uses people to influence others. Moses was wearing shades, even though the sun had gone in and it was raining. It was pretty funny. He was looking right at me, but I could only glance over occasionally because I was maneuvering the truck down the horrible road. Without even pondering my question he said, "Jeremiah, you just being here and showing up means the world to my people. You see, we know where you come from and how easy life is for you in America. Yet you come here and eat our food that is totally different from anything you've ever had." "Yeah," I said, "I even had fried termites the other day." He laughed and continued, "You even come and use our form of bathroom without a proper toilet. You hold our babies even though they might have a contagious disease or sickness. You've come from your comfortable world into ours. And our people know you have a heart for God just because you are here." Now this isn't an ego boost for me, but just a simple way that he's allowed God to speak to me. From that I realized, I don't have to pretend to be anything besides Jeremy. Jeremy freaking Thompson, the one that chose to come to Sudan. The person I was before I got here. You see I thought I needed to pretend to be like a Baptist Preacher or something. But they love ME, my tattoos, ear rings, the whole nine. God puts us in situations sometimes and just wants us to be. We think we need to create this other person to be around those we are trying to relate to about Christ. He made us in his image, even if you LOVE jelly beans (and really miss them by the way) and my brothers and sisters here love termites, it's ok because we are united in Christ and that's all that matters. I feel like Paul should have wrote a letter in the gospel that says, "If you love Jesus and jelly beans, that's fine. Don't pretend you're someone who only thinks of the Bible and old hymns and parts his hair on the side.. It's ok to like jelly beans and Jay Z." We are united in Christ. Sounds simple, but when you realize the truth in that, it's pretty cool. I'm me. And the people here are cool with that. It's so crazy that on my last day before break I realize God just wants me to BE here. He's already doing his will, and just using us to do the work.
So just be you. Eat jelly beans, and listen to Jay Z. Even if the ones around you don't. Christ said, "Let them remain in me, as I am in you." We can all remain in him and not have to look alike. Christians don't have to drive mini vans, they don't have be vegetarians, or only wear shiny black shoes, they can eat termites, or jelly beans, they don't have to smell like your grandfather's cologne, be able to quote C.S. Lewis, wake up before 7 am, they do however have to be in Christ, reflecting him on a daily basis. Wherever they are, and whom ever they are around. So make some new friends, stop just having philosophical/theological discussions with the people you've known for years. Meet someone from another country, or someone that's a different color than you. Say hello to the drunk guy on the coroner. Find the people that no one else even notices, and just be you. Search out the ones that you would never even try to get to know. Even though you might try their termites, and even like them. You don't have to start eating them all the time to prove a point. You don't have to be anything but you. After all, you like jelly beans, and Jesus is cool with that.

"I can wear flip flops to work."

So it's hot in this part of Africa. Real hot. It's amazing how the weather can affect your attitude, your mood, and even your view on the world. When the weather's fine, so is your life. When it's hot and humid, your life is frustrating and falling apart. When it's cold, nothing is happening in your life, everything is at a standstill. So how do the people here cope with the heat? This isn't even the hot season, this is what they consider cool! So, everything already seems frustrating and annoying to me now, what would I do if I had to live here when it's worse? I can't imagine how life was, let's say four to six years ago, when there was a war going on in this heat. Not only were people dying everyday, but you were sweating day and night with no relief. With heat comes thirst, but thirst does not necessarily bring water. Or should I say clean, safe water. So as I'm assessing the final church for this area, I'm hearing all these struggles the people faced, and all I could think about was how hot I was. "You mean you had to put up with all of these things, in this heat?" I can't even begin to attempt to imagine what all those hardships were like. I can't even take the weather! So what's the purpose of all this struggling? I can't answer that. God can. But I can't.
You see God's will is perfect, and his plan is decided. When I hear these stories of suffering that's all I can depend on is His infinitely perfect will. The one thing that keeps ringing true no matter what part of South Sudan I am in, is that people's faith grew tremendously while they were at war. If all you had to depend on was a miracle, would you just give up, or would you put all your hope in that? The people of South Sudan are the epitome of faith to me. We always hear that faith is the belief in things not seen. I've learned from being here that faith is the belief in something so impossible that it makes other people think you are losing your mind. If a mother has a baby on her hip, and there is gunfire less than a kilometer away, her husband was just killed by a land mine, and her church is burning behind her, why would she in her right mind think that child is going to survive? But she does, and you can't tell her any different! God will protect that baby. And he did. God blesses us, and he gives us wisdom. He makes us whole and we know that we can depend on him to come through for us. All of that becomes real when you are in this mother's situation.




In those moments, your confidence in these beliefs, that defines your faith. When you believe something in your heart, and not just in your mind, that is faith. How can I ever allow my faith to grow deeper when all I can do is worry about the heat? I pray that God will grant me the opportunities to gain just a fraction of the faith I've experienced here.
In addition to that, I know that my life is changing because of the people I'm encountering. My worries before coming here, are not my worries now. My desires for my personal gain is not the same. I've realized that the more I have, the more I want. When I look at people who literally have nothing, I make myself sick. My opinion, countless possessions are not a blessing, they are a curse. They merely take your mind off of God, and weaken your chances of strengthening your faith.

The Prosperity Gospel is for weak minded people. (Sorry Mr. Osteen)
Before coming here, I was excited that I was going to be living in Sudan. I've realized now, you don't live in Sudan, you experience it. Maybe you are tired of hearing me talk about Sudan like it's the only place on earth that needs help. To that I would say, while I'm here, it IS the only place that needs help. I was told by a very respected person before coming here that, "If you're heart is right in coming here to Sudan, no where else will matter while you're here. If it's not, Sudan is going to eat you alive." I think he knew what he was talking about. While I miss people back in the US, I don't miss the US. God is using these experiences to change me, and it's already began. I have only been here for about eight weeks now and I have about forty four left on the contract I signed. Plus all the weeks on the future contracts I'll sign. I'm sure there are a lot more things God will show me, ways he will change me, and things he will make me excited about. Because let's face it the first week I was here, the thing that excited me the most was that I can wear flip flops to work.

"Pros and Cons"

So as I close out another day here in Juba, I'm reminded that every situation, and place in life has pros and cons. Did I have dinner on the infamous Nile River again tonight? Yes. And the shower that I use is fed water directly from the Nile. How many people can say that? So along with the hardships that I see, and the unfortunate stories I hear, there are these "pros" that make it all an experience. I assessed my first church here in Juba today and as I expected, the stories here are much different than any I've heard so far. As we settled in at the meeting, the members were very welcoming of us, because as far as they are concerned, we equal help. After brief introductions and such I began my assessment. We were reminded of how the civil war here in Sudan came to be, which is common knowledge to us now, and the ball was rolling. So instead of telling you the story that I heard today, let's make you the victim, and tell the story from your point of view.

Your church was started in the prominent city of your country and quickly the congregation out numbered the building. Soon you were meeting on Sunday mornings, and the majority of the congregation was outside the building, because they couldn't fit inside. This wasn't a bad problem to have. Except not too long after that, war came to your prominent city. Many of you fled away from the city to seek protection, while some of you remained. After all, home is home no matter what is going on there, right? So one day, this church that you are so proud of, and have seen God change life after life in is caught in the crossfire of the war. A propelled missile hits the building setting it on fire. So pause. This would be the last straw for some of us, because the things that happened up until this time were enough to push you over the edge.

Before the war even started, you were truly persecuted for your beliefs. You couldn't keep a job because of your religion. If you didn't denounce your beliefs and follow a different way, you couldn't even be in the military. Also, people of a different faith than you would go to your schools and bribe your kids with candy, sweets, and food like you couldn't afford, to get them to change their religious beliefs. But when you, or your children were fighting in the war, this same group of people would cry out to Jesus when being attacked. Upon being asked, "Why do you cry out to Jesus, you aren't Christian?" They would reply, "When you say his name, the bullets don't strike you." So from these types of experiences, the ones that mattered, people came to see the power of the God we serve. I use these examples and write in this manner to try and remain a bit politically correct. I don't want to seem like I'm "bashing," because that's not what I'm trying to do at all. I just realize how blessed I am to be free to worship who I want without my survival depending on it. How much easier is it to claim to be Christian when there's no consequences for being a believer. It would seem so much harder to remain a follower of Christ if that meant I might not be able to get food to eat. And every day I take that for granted. But not everyone does.

Some people have been truly persecuted for their beliefs. He said, "The world will hate you, because it hated me first." He knew what he was talking about, and it has proven to be true. So as I experience small amounts of sickness, or miss my friends and family, or even wish I had American food, it's not a drop in the bucket to how bad the "cons" of living in South Sudan has been for so many people. Everyone says "We're so proud of you," or "You're making such a sacrifice to be there." It's not a sacrifice at all. To hear these stories and see firsthand where God has been performing absolute miracles the past 21 years is the biggest "pro" you could ask for. It doesn't get any better than this. So if there's doubt in your mind about the God we serve, there is a way to fix that. Find where he's working and join in. You could never imagine how true the verse is that says, "When I am weak, he is strong." The world knocked South Sudan on it's back, lives were lost, horrible atrocities took place, but God was glorified even more because of it. And his people are more than happy to testify to that.

Keeping my feet FIRMLY planted.

So here I am in South Sudan. It's hard to believe it's already been six weeks. The time just flies by here, but if I stop and sit long enough, I can tell I'm wearing down. I stay on the go, going different places and doing all the assessments and never really have time to stop and just process it all. I've seen some of the most unbelievable things in my life here, some good and some bad. It's hard to find the good in a place like this, however when you see the suffering yet hear about how blessed the people think they are, it kind of balances out. Before coming here I was just like most people. Worked a job, came home, hung out with friends and family, and did it all over again the next week. I sat in restaurants and complained about food or my glass not being full. Because I knew the food could be better, and there was plenty of soda to go around so I should have what I want. Let's face it, making myself happy is all that matters right? Wrong. Coming to Sudan has made me realize that finding true happiness comes from helping people who truly need help. Learning that has helped me keep my feet on the ground. When you see people suffering greatly, you stay grounded. Everyone here obviously realizes that I'm an American, but I don't. For the first time in my life I feel like a human being, and not because of anything that I've done or any choices I've made. When you look into someone's eyes who is not just hoping, but really needing your help, it changes you. I've seen suffering on television, read about it on the internet, and even seen pictures in magazines. The difference is, it's real now. It's not "That article I read at the doctor's office," or "Something on National Geographic before I left to go to dinner," it's that guy that I had lunch with at his house yesterday. Or it's that family that killed the only chicken that they had and invited me to eat with them, and they told me about how they were tortured a few years ago. The way you and I talk about sports, the weather, church, or the neighbor's new car is how they talk about being raped, tortured, or seeing their family members shot. You would think that kind of experience would cause someone to break down emotionally when they talk about it, but it doesn't. They talk about it while they pour my tea, with no expression on their face at all. Then they tell me how much God has blessed them. Blessed? Are you kidding me? You just said that for nearly ten years you had to eat something every night that could possibly kill you, and you think you're blessed?

Kinjuk is a root that grows in the ground like a potato. It is edible but contains toxins that could kill you. To get rid of the toxins the people would first let it soak in running water (a river) for 24 hours. Then they would boil it for about a half day. After that you could eat it, and if some toxins were left, then it would just make you really drunk and not kill you. There's nothing to do about the horrible bitter taste though. That didn't matter anyway, the people just wanted something to fill their stomachs. Hearing things like this have kept my feet on the ground. It's true what they say, if there were no suffering you wouldn't realize how blessed you are. To that I would say, come see it and then say that. I hope my experiences will help people appreciate their lives back home. When things are put into perspective, your views and opinions on things change. Before I came here, poverty was someone who couldn't shower everyday, and had no home to call their own. Now I'd say poverty is your surroundings. If you live in a civilized part of the world, then you're not poor. If you can't find water to drink in under 5 miles, then you're poor. If you can't go outside at night because you could die from a mosquito bite, then you're poor. If you cook on a fire everyday, not for fun, but because you have to, then you're poor. If you can't afford your car payment this month then you're not poor, you just got too much crap. I'm not opposed to people having nice things and making lots of money. I am opposed to someone having three cars and a beach house and reading about my friends here in a magazine, and seeing that they are dying from leprocy while on a plane to the Cayman Islands. Some people would probably say, "You're just jaded, it's not that bad." To them I'd say, "Come visit me and let me introduce you to some of my friends."